Etiquette Confessions

Generation Y in house slippers February 19, 2011
Modern day manners are lacking, this is no secret. Eat with your mouth closed, no burping in public, elbows off the table…easy right?
Sure, however these universally known practices aren’t fun to discuss. I’m referring to the wearing of house slippers in public, cell phone use during meals, inability to follow through on commitments…

The majority of Generation Y is lazy, unreliable and gosh I hate to say it but a lot of the time disrespectful--crap hold on, my professor is saying something I might need to pay attention to…

nah nevermind already missed the beginning, no use trying to catch up now.
Now what was I saying?

Oh right, manners.

Let’s use my neighbors as exhibit A. Those inconsiderate little punks would always park in my parking spot.

My complex designates 4 parking spaces for each of its four residents. Typically I’m always the last one home so it's MY spot that get invaded with whats-his-face's vehicle. ugh.
I’d already partook in all Manners 101 had taught me - had the awkward confrontations...then moved on to the threatening...roommates threw a few drunken slurs at them on occasion...but the fools still had NO parking fear!

Needless to say, their fate was sealed. A tow truck was in their near future.
They uh…weren’t happy. I know this because of both the tension and pesky little reminders they sometimes leave me and my Rooms.



Today we were greeted by a half-eaten, miniature buffalo wing strategically located in the center of our welcome mat.



Break-up Etiquette February 20, 2011
Here’s the scenario:
You’re no longer Mrs. Frat due to irreconcilable college differences. You and Mr. Frat have called it quits and as luck would have it, his fraternity is throwing a huge bash and all your friends are planning to attend.

Well…cool.

What about you? Is it still cool to show up? Who gets custody of the friends? What’s the proper break-up etiquette when you don’t want to be left out, but also don’t want to appear desperate?

The immediate repercussions when hit with this predicament are usually-
“Psh he can’t control what I do. I’m not going for him anyway, I’ll do what I please. No one else will be focused on the fact we just broke up”

…and other things of that nature.

Time to get real –
you catch a glimpse of him grinding all up on
girl-whose-been-trying-to-get-with-him-since-forever.

Huh, you may just find yourself…oh I dunno…
center dance floor pouring ALL the remaining contents of your beverage down the front of hussy's dress while screaming words at her you’ve only ever heard on the Jersey Shore.

What I’m trying to stress is, be mature. If you feel there’s a chance you could end up being THAT girl--
the one thrown out of the bar left with nothing but a few of homegirl’s hair extensions intertwined between your fingers--
then well...you might want to ponder that “not attending” button on the fbook invite a little while longer.

All I’m sayin.



The Accidental Text February 21, 2011
You send this text to a friend – “Okk I’ll come just tell me where y’all are”
Harmless right?
Nope, not in the slightest – you’ve mistakenly sent this text message to your ex boyfriend whom you haven’t spoken to in months.


Was this the result of a mass text gone wrong? Was his name similar to the intended recipient’s name making your phonebook the one to blame?

Doesn’t matter. It’s done. Over. You’ll forever wonder if he thinks you sent the text as a desperate attempt to contact him.




Unless he texts back.




Let’s make the plotline dramatic and interesting and assume he’s got a girlfriend.
She fires back something like-
“Get your own boyfriend b----“.

Whoa. Without hesitation you reply-
“Well naturally, seeing how I’ve already run through yours”

Kidding, you don’t send that. Mama taught you better.
Matter of fact, at that moment, mama’s voice begins to fill your brain with some of life’s lessons you were taught as a kid, “take the high road, if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all…”

Girlfriend must not fully grasp those concepts yet…or worse, never learned them because for some reason she never made it through an entire showing of Disney’s Bambi?


Ok, ok, I’m being unfair, I mean I’m certainly no angel.
When applying this scenario to my own life, my honest first thought about being hounded by the girlfriend of my ex over a “purposeful” yet accidental text message would’ve been-

She’s silly to think that after all this time I’d even dream of purposely sending him a text like that…



mainly because I’d of come up with something wayyy better.

I Survived Valentine's Day Confessions

My mobile app saved my life February 15, 2011
Surviving Valentine’s Day turned out to be somewhat easy. Realized there's no need to get all girly and emotional. Cry? What's that? I know I don’t need a man to dote on me and monitor--giggle--my every--giggle--move--Hahahaha(breath)hahaaaa
Oh man sorry hehe...

Thought I could rock that fake little empowerment speech without cracking but...nah. Saw that going differently in my head is all...woo..geez ok where was I?
OH YES, umm actually an easier V-day was made possible - compliments a la HeyTell.

Sending a HeyTell allows you to send your voice as a text message instead of an actual written text.

Have you ever sent a txt and in turn, confusingly received a haughty reply back? It's easy for a recipient to mistake your casual “text tone” for a rude one.

I’ve mentioned this to people before and for some reason they're slow to absorb my concept.


So quick example >> you send the word “sure”. Did you mean…Peppy-Cheerleader sure! or Sarcastic-Sally surrre?

See what I mean?

HeyTell allows you to verbalize your text message thus eliminating the universal thought of, “did she mean that like I think she meant that?”

The existence of HeyTell provides my friends and I with a portal to discuss suicidal thoughts brought on by Valentine's Day. Our worry-worthy statements pass as entertaining when heard through HeyTell. We sound straight psychotic when statements are viewed as a text. My first V-day HeyTell message came from Emily.

Em:

“Happy f------ Valentine’s day! I just went to Tiki Tan for the first time in like a year, did the high pressure bed…uh don’t do that if you aren’t already tan. Literally can’t feel my a--”

Me:

"So your a--, which clearly resembles the shape of a heart, is now red...and here I was thinking you wouldn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day at all this year"

Em:

“Yes Ashley that is exactly what I was going for”

(few minutes pass)

"Now tell me the plan. Are we going to Natalie’s house for a glass of wine or two or nine?”
----------------------
Lauren’s HeyTell message soon followed. The nature of her's was more complex. (Please note: the crude, CAPS LOCK outbursts depict random song lyrics from Chris Brown’s “Deuces”)

Lauren:

“So I’m lucky I don’t have anything sharp near me, might find me dead on my—MOVIN’ ON TO SOMETHIN BETTA...YOU MADE ME WANNA SAY BUH BYE—that’s what we need to say to all of our ex bf’s—HATE LIARS, F--- LOVE I’M TIRED OF TRYIN–I needed to tell you my special verse…since umm…it’s that special day today”

Then kinda dumbfoundedly and a little like a child who knew very few words I replied:




“Cool. Pulling into Spec’s”


Science behind the status February 15, 2011
I’ve always loved Valentine’s Day. However, experiencing this holiday solo = loving it a little less.

Regardless, the fact still remains - I'm a sucker for romance - THAT MEANS, I’m not at such a level of disgust that I can justify staying inside all day moping...wishing I was Cupid. (Cupid has arrows. Arrows can shoot happy people from bedroom windows)
I end up being forced to humor what I know is taking place all around me.
Flower deliveries…dinner reservations…lingerie purchases…sappy Facebook status updates…

Its instances such as these that I try to…make my mouth do that thing it does. You know, when I’m supposed to like, show joy…be joyous…content…gosh what is it…

oh yea…



smile.


There’s a science behind status updating, fyi. Ever wonder about why you feel compelled to “like” certain ones?

For example, do you find yourself “liking” the sarcastic, funny ones?
“Attack life, you’ll never get out alive anyways”

…or perhaps the excited ones always baring good news?
“I love sunny days!! So glad no more cold weather!!”

…maybe even the infamous song-lyric ones that expose your current mood/vulnerable state? (which let's face it, we humans feel it necessary to broadcast depressing love lyrics when we're sad and lonely)
“I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe”

On V-day I can always expect my news feed to be littered with sweet bf/gf praises…date night details…generic pet names like sweetheart and baby…
blah.
blah.
blajshdbarfwrylovefrddruitstinksjh.



I never feel compelled to "like" any of those. Shocking.


Doctor Kitty Burns, MD February 15, 2011
In celebration of my extra special Valentine’s Day edition of Confessions of a Sorority Girl, Kitty Burns has agreed to participate in some Q&A, woot woot!

Kitty is an expert at good relationships. Whoops typo, bad ones.
I'll go ahead and provide some of her background info with the hope you'll kinda trust her advice - - been in 3 serious relationships (1 yr, 5 yr, 1 yr), been in love once, heart crapped on twice and…
enjoys pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

K, Let’s begin!

1)Kitty, what is your pet peeve when it comes to dating?

Being na├»ve. Don't get me wrong, I have MANY flaws, but because of my cynicism I rarely fall victim to this (thanks dad?) Girls and guys both can buy into these one-liners, don’t be one of them! Here's what I mean-

“He says he’s too intimidated by me”
If he can tell you he’s intimidated by you, he’s not intimidated by you.

“He just got out of a relationship a couple months ago” Months he says? Unless he was the dumpee and needs grieve time, he’s letting you down nicely. I mean c’mon, doesn't an entire season of The Bachelor go down in like a week?

“He's afraid to get hurt again”
Haha what, did his last girlfriend stab him?

“I can see a future for us, just not right now”
A future implies long-term. Long term COULD mean forever. You have to be pretty dang amazing to qualify as someone’s forever. People don’t let go of someone they deem the catch of all catches.

2)What do you do when your crush is already in a relationship?


Seems you have 2 options:
Team Homewrecker (say you get your way, he ends up yours. He slipped once, you trust he won’t do it again?)

Team Girlfriend (who remember, has a cheating doucher for a boyfriend)

Haha gotcha, obviously a trick question. The correct answer is
Team MoveOnFromThatSorryPiece. He’ll never be what you need. But uhh, what would I know…

3)What if you feel like your crush is always rejecting your social invitations?

Ha, this is a good one. Let me paint ya a little picture – it’s the end of the date, girl asks Romeo to come in for a second and check out the glorious balcony view she raved about over dinner. He says “Oh babe I wish I could but with work tomorrow...I really should get home”.
Oh so many possible factors/excuses…what to think, what to think…

(Hint) If a guy wants to come in…HE’LL COME IN.

Moral of story = those dreaded 6 little words...


he's. just. not. THAT. into. you.

Super Bowl Confessions

United we wonder February 7, 2011
I never feel more bonded to my fellow Americans than on Super Bowl Sunday.
No, not because we all gather together to celebrate our shared love for NFL football and potato chips.
But good guess.

Me, along with others like me, appreciate the Super Bowl for uniting all Americans through our inability to read Roman numerals.


Funny story- this year was Super Bowl 45, and I know this because I recently learned to read Roman numerals in order to pay respect to my Roman heritage.





I know you know I googled it.



Wanna pretend to watch the game? February 7, 2011
How ‘bout them Packers huh? I don’t have a favorite NFL team, so typically I’ll root for either-

A)The team the hottest guy in the room wants to lose (this is me forming a cute rivalry with the hope he’ll ask for a rematch…preferably at Olive Garden)

B)The team with the prettiest color scheme

C)The underdogs

This year however, I didn’t end up playing cheerleader for either team. Here’s why-

A) I, along with my present company, were all pretty football-illiterate

B) Packer’s/Steeler’s colors both blow

C) Like I said, due to the high degree of football-illiteracy surrounding me, knowledge about football team rankings was hazy.
For some it was nonexistent. For me it’s buried deep inside my brain cuddling up next to high school geometry.


I’m thinkin’ from now on our Super Bowl invite might as well be – hey wanna get together and pretend to watch the game?


Pat on the back for Hawk February 8, 2011
I happened to catch an interview that Green Bay linebacker, A.J. Hawk, was doing with ESPN and I’ve got to say - he must be great at dodging severe hits to the head.

Not only did he seem very well spoken and not nervous in the slightest, but it surprised me to hear a pro sports jock use words like “microcosm” and “adversely.”


So crap…I’m guilty of stereotyping. Another one bites the dust.
Secretly though, I uhh…kind of feel entitled when it comes to typecasting because I’m blonde (a.k.a. ultimate stereotype victim). It’s like, since I’m in the club I can say what I want? Mmmm…might need to ponder that philosophy awhile longer :/

With that said, I commend you A.J. Hawk. Keep fighting the good fight against stereotypes. I can only hope that your intellectual nature rubs off onto those who---

Yeah no I still don’t buy it, sorry just can’t. He’s got to have word-of-the-day toilet paper or something.


Aguilera Flubs National Anthem February 8, 2011
It’s true, Texas-native Christina Aguilera messed up the lyrics during the National Anthem prior to the Super Bowl. She sang “what so proudly we watched” when it should’ve been, “o’er the ramparts we watched.”


Needless to say, people weren’t thrilled and the mishap even sparked some crowd booing.

Let’s try and level with ‘ol Christina for a sec - I don’t have doubts that she didn’t practice enough or that she hates the U.S. or whatever other stories the media conjures up.

Y’all, it’s a hard song.
Sounds silly, but for some reason the order of the words throughout the song can get confusing. A lot of parts sound very similar. I’m just sayin.

Also, nerves have got to play a part when performing live in front of…oh I don’t know, A BILLION PEOPLE. Sorry haters, I guess I’m Team Christina. Oh you disagree? Think your opinion is better than mine? Getting a little upset and judgmental of others are we? Think it’s inexcusable to not have studied and know every detail regarding the National Anthem?
Okay you know what? You may be right. FINE. WHATEVER...
Quick question- what’s a rampart?



Boo ya.

Social Scene Confessions

Knockouts Grill House January 30, 2011
Perhaps you’ve caught wind of the new hotspot everyone’s been talking about? Formerly Bodega Coast, this new place called Knockouts is rumored to be a happy hour paradise. To me, anywhere equipped with those torpedo-looking beer taps is certifiably super/awesome/cool.

I’ve heard it’s supposed give off a Hooter’s-like vibe but I felt the server’s umm…shirts weren’t small enough for me to really feel the resemblance.
I was there the other night and got two vodka sprites for only like $4. (holla)

Unfortunately, a friend of mine wasn’t as lucky. He uploaded a picture of his receipt to Facebook, his total at only 10pm was $115.



…welp, I take it back. Maybe the server’s shirts fit just fine.


Facebook Check-ins February 1, 2011
I’ve been getting better acquainted with the whole Facebook check-in phenomenon and I’ve got to say- totally fun. Checking-in via fbook enables you to broadcast your exact location the moment you arrive somewhere. Instantly you can see if anyone else you know is there too. There’s even access to a map that leads right to you.

Ha, I’m thinking about what my dad would say-

“Great! Just in case knowing your full name, current city, place of residence and your entire family tree isn’t enough, they can now FIND YOU WHENEVER/WHEREVER”.


And I thought the “poke” button was creepy.



Fraternity/Sorority Abbreviations February 3, 2011
I’m curious, who decides how fraternities and sororities names get abbreviated?
Let’s play a game called ‘How ‘bout instead…”

Current Name *** How ‘bout instead... *** Thoughts------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beta Theta Pi(Beta) *** B Theta P *** if seen written, I think of BP the oil company
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sigma Phi Epsilon(Sig Ep)*** Sig Phep *** eh, most ppl would probably pronounce it ‘pep’ instead of ‘fep’
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pi Kappa Alpha(PIKES) *** PiKa pAl *** motto could be, pick me I’ll be your pal :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pi Beta Phi(Pi Phi) *** PB Phi *** nah, I immediately think peanut butter jelly phi
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Delta Gamma(DG) *** D Gam *** sounds pretty thug
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chi Omega(Chi-O) *** OMG *** hey cool
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kappa Kappa Gamma(Kappa) *** K Kappa Gam *** nah, sounds like you’re agreeing with them




Open Bar Bliss February 6, 2011
I traveled to Austin, TX this weekend to watch my Little (sorority abbreviation for little sis) tie the knot. She went through recruitment as a sophomore so she’s my age AND graduated early so she gets to start playing big-girl sooner than normal.

I knew, of course, the Fanning-Hart wedding would be fabulous but a different level of epic occurred thanks to the genius who invented the concept of an “open bar”. All I can say is that with a ballroom full of college students they might as well call it an “empty bar”.



Dreading that Ruthie regrets sending invites to her fellow sorority sisters, this is the comment I felt super necessary be left on her fbook wall a.s.a.p. -


Hello there Mrs. Hart :D just a few things-

1. Your wedding was a freaking blast

2. Umm apparently sporadically through the night I was being either obnoxiously loud and crazy, or crying...thus making ppl real uncomfortable

3.You made the most beautiful bride

4.Apologies to the rest of your guests for the being "that table". I felt like we embodied the behavior that makes for good people watching :/

5.Have a great time in Cabo! I love you much!!




Texas is Cold Confessions

Coupons Complete Me January 25, 2011
LOVING the little campus coupon books that one business fraternity gives out at the start of every semester. Went to Pita Pit today…guess who got $1 off her southwest chicken wrap with the purchase of a medium fountain drink?!?!

Worry-Wart January 26, 2011
Mama B called today with concerns, a normal occurrence. She likes to inform me about the latest College Station crime.
She bought me a pink pouch for my key chain that’s supposed to slyly disguise mace spray. Sure, good idea, until I attempt to actually use it during the intense moment and fail miserably because the intricate pouch snap AND bottle lock prohibits me from doing so.

I can picture myself stranded in the parking lot post-mug, purseless, sitting alone in a pot hole with a baby can of mace spray that NOW is open and ready to spray...

She stresses things like the importance of my health, because I could die from bacterial meningitis or H1N1 at any time.
To put her at ease I falsely fret about petty, yet true things. I’m like “mom, I was walking to class last week and got ran over by a bicycle. Let’s focus on that”.


The Harrington Strip January 27, 2011
The Harrington Strip – stretch of sidewalk to and from the Harrington building (HECC) that is always occupied by ruthless campaigners.


Are you among the many who avoid walking down the strip because you don’t want to humor the flier passer-outers? I love observing the tactics people use in hopes of fending them off. You may be thinking, oh just take the dang flier it’s easier. However sometimes they want to have a 15 minute conversation with you and it annoys me when they fail to acknowledge my obvious let-me-get-out-of-here eyes.

Successful or not, here’s some ways to avoid the paper fury-

-Stick in your iPod headphones

-Quickly whip out your cell phone and start busily texting. Tip: don’t start talking on it like you’re on a fake call, it could start ringing while you have it up to your ear.

-Pretend to speak a different language.

-Put on sunglasses to avoid eye contact, this usually causes them to not even try and talk to you at all.

-Run and start yelling “they’re after me!”


Antarctica Weather in Texas January 28, 2011
Okay guys, I’ve about had enough of this. We go from 80 degrees one day to 21 degrees the next. Not only do I dread losing the feeling in my ears and nose but I pretty much hate looking like an abominable snowman.
I wore 4 layers of shirts today. Four. I live in Texas. This is ridiculous.

Who pissed off Mother Nature?
Whoever you are, I have one word for you-

APOLOGIZE.


Image Commitment January 29, 2011
Like I said, the weather here in CS is God-awful-cold, but once inside the classroom there are heaters (hallelujah). It gets pretty toasty and as I was looking around in ALED 481 I noticed that pretty much everyone had shed their coats, gloves, etc.

Except for this one girl who had taken off her gloves, sweater and jacket but oddly still had on this ear-muff beanie thing that was an obvious winter accessory. It was made of knit material and had three huge pink knitted flowers on it that were sort of…poking out off the hat…like a “come smell me” invite or something.

After wondering for a few minutes about why she hadn’t taken off the seemingly hot hat I realized, homegirl would rather have a sweaty head than unleash her hat hair.

Props. That’s some serious image commitment.