Confessions that make you go "hmmm"

What you talking ‘bout Willis? March 26, 2011
Ohhh remember the days when the afternoons were spent on the front porch in your rickety rocking  chair…sitting atop a seat cushion that is only still recognizable as a seat cushion because well, you’re sitting on it. And you’re in a seat…
The days you couldn’t wait to sink your hands into a big bucket of K.F.C. fried chicken…nom nom nom.
Eh I don’t remember those days either. But I did pass through neighborhoods full of ‘em everyday on my way home from jr. high school.
Welcome to Willis, TX.
The land where it’s legal to drive your tractor down main roads and celebrate fancy occasions at the local Pizza Shack.

Meanwhile in CS…it was a Tuesday night at West Campus Library and I was joined by fellow Willis-ite, Austin Kroschel - an Aggie…a Delt…overall a great guy but a more important side note, Willis High School’s Mr. WHS 2007.
cough anyways, in true country-bumpkin form, the following events unsurprisingly played out…
(and then were promptly uploaded onto the world wide internet)
The caption read:
This started with him asking me for scissors-

Meet Austin. Austin has a huge sword...and notebook paper that needs to be cut.
Willis-born... truly a rare breed.
Almost immediately, dozens of “likes” and funny photo comments began pouring in.
He wittily replied with “you say rare, I say resourceful”.
Finally I attempted to conclude the experience with –
Regardless, there’s a pocket sized samurai sword less than a foot away from me”

-Chris Lara, Willis High School c/o '07

...typical. March 27, 2011
Did y’all do the whole thing when it was around?
You could go online and see professor reviews and rankings…check out the grades they normally give out…gain access to all the tips and tricks former students have posted- which are helpful when hoping to ace specific assignments and tests.
Good news, that database still exists but its called something new...
Enter me! A campus representative for (formerly pick-a-prof) yay!
Try your hardest to love and appreciate my attempt to nonchalantly sell you on this fabulous opportunity :) 
It’s 100% FREE to join MyEdu which is AMAZING because you used to have to pay. Creating an account takes approximately 42 seconds and being a member benefits you tremendously!
So really, join because all the cool kids are doing it. Heck, all the non-cool ones are too and that should serve as greater motivation. Nerdy A+ students worship this site because of all the helpful class resources. 
Now If i ever teach you anything, let it be this - do as the nerds do...for there is a reason that later in life they have a hotter spouse and bigger paycheck than you.

Sure the hard-core college nerds are often socially awkward...and always seem to have a very oily T-zone, but planting these types of people in your BFF garden is a wise idea.
You see, you reach a peaceful point in life where one can identify and understand the likelihood that Dork McSmartson’s future could very likely be super bright and even excel at a faster rate than yours.  
You can already see him in a corner office…lounging in his black, leather swivel chair…
whoops he accidentally spills a few drops of his Venti Belgium Latte down the front of his white Armani collar shirt…there was just no resisting the urge to do some aimless chair twirling that only went awry because he was clumsily gawking at his Jessica Biel look-alike assistant.

Wow...pretty posh set-up.
But you know what? You’re fine. Just by being friends with him has scored you things like courtside tickets to Rockets expensive watch for your birthday.... 
In time, you will without a doubt be amazing at what you do as well.
Until then, you know what else you can see in that posh set-up?
…nearby with napkins and a Tide-to-go pen. Latte stains don’t clean themselves.

Bet HE joined MyEdu.

The squirrel community on campus March 27, 2011

"A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit"

- Carrie Bradshaw

Is anyone else ABSOLUTELY fascinated with the squirrel behavior that takes place on campus? Watching them is one of the most entertaining pastimes EVER. This is coming from someone who’s swam with stingrays, flown in a private jet, watched brothers stick entire fists in their mouth…

Exaggeration aside, I could probably sit on a campus bench and just watch them for a solid 11+ minutes. There’d be no question of whether or not I’d happily consider doing that if some student organization had the idea to sell squirrel-watching popcorn.

Basically, a campus dwelling squirrel will just be nibbling on an acorn doing his squirrel thing, meanwhile you’re purposely crossing that seven foot boundary line where they’re supposed to scurry off in order to maintain an appropriate distance away from you.
But they like, don’t scurry. 

Instead, they’ll either ignore you or sometimes just peer up from their acorn and look at you with a face that seems to say “sup”.

It’s the oddest thing. I've actually almost tripped on a squirrel running fast past my feet who I’m pretty certain was in the middle of a game a tag.

Hmmm, there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.

Viva Las Vegas Confessions

Las Vegas Airport
I was SO DANG EXCITED to finally be in Las Vegas for Spring Break 2011!
How excited? Wellll within 2 minutes of departure, the cowboy hat was out and I instantly busy greeting every other human I saw in the airport with a big fat “Howdy!”
What did I have to fear? I had my hot posse of girlfriends in tow who are just as obnoxious and Texas-friendly as I was.
Yea, FALSE.  I didn’t realize they were a good 10 feet behind me taking pictures.

What happens in Vegas… March 18, 2011
How do we know stuff? How does a majority of the US population obtain most of their learned knowledge?
If your first thought is school, then well…that’s sweet. And cute. And entirely incorrect. The real answer is...
I must say though, no movie successfully prepared me for the real-life-Vegas I experienced this past week.

I’ll lay out the broad logic I decided on-
I found there to be many truths and lies behind the famous saying-
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”.

I blame the Australian Thunder from Down Under boys for this mishap. Their little Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy routine left my head all crazy and...incoherent.
...ahem anyways, the POINT. 
In true cliché form, I embarrassingly lost my purse at a club on the last night we were there.
So yes, it’s true-

What happens in Vegas really does stay in Vegas

…including your credit cards, I.D. and cell phone.
Another unfortunate happening (that thankfully took place the day we were headed home) was when I came down with a fever. (Quit, I’m not talking about herps or anything)
So to revamp the famous Hangover movie quote in order to make it true to my specific situation-
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

…except strep throat, that s--- will come back with you”

While friends are busy clicking away - capturing memories with their cameras, video recorders, etc, one can’t help but come to the conclusion-

Yet again, Sure- what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

….until it hits Facebook.

Picture this –
The girls and I land in Vegas. Many pit stops were made while walking around the first day and pretty much all of them involved large curvy drinking cups with some sort of exotic fruit balancing on the brim that's too pretty to eat. One such stop was Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville.
Vegas tends to charge around $8589976.00 per beverage so I was purposely browsing the menu for something STRONG, for it may be the only drink I’d have for awhile.
I ended up going against the grain by ordering what was called an Incommunicado instead of a Banana-something-something Margarita like everyone else.
This was the drink description-
.5 oz Vodka
.5 oz Margaritaville® Silver Tequila
.5 oz Rum
.5 oz Triple Sec
.25 oz Gin
.25 oz Grenadine

...and a splash of cranberry juice.
Not only did I have to plug my nose like some high school amateur with every sip, but when we got up to leave I actually flipped my metal chair backwards.
Uh huh, I know. Awful. It’s not over.
The fiasco ended with a stab to a poor old woman's arm that was sitting behind me in a hot pink cabana shirt.
“Some people say that there's a woman to blame…”

Some Ponderment Confessions

Facebook Offish March 1, 2011
(fay-ss-buk O-fish); Facebook Official – the rendering of a couple’s relationship status via social media once courtship has reached a seemingly mature state.

In a relationship, when is the appropriate time to become Facebook Official?
Or reversely, when is the appropriate time to take off your status once you break-up?
Man there’s so many factors involved, much that needs to be taken into account…
After all, to some, removing their public love from Facebook is just as bad as the actual breakup :/

In the movie, “The Social Network” Mark Zuckerberg revealed that the start-up purpose FOR fbook was to see who was in a relationship and who wasn’t.

Facebook is this generation’s eHarmony.

Instead of initiating contact with your crush through a search portal, you initiate it through a strategic fbook message that sneakily asks the other person something like, “Hey, do we know each other from somewhere? I feel like we've met before...

Or you can poke them and hope for the best.

Quote Fetish March 2, 2011
Along with cheese and shopping, I also have a quote fetish. I’ll catch myself searching for good ones online for fun sometimes…odd?
I get super excited when an actual real life friend spits out a good zinger for me to laugh at and mock later…

I think I would annoy me if I weren’t myself” – Lauren Lucas

I’m trying to recover from last night so I can go to happy hour” – Natalie Block

Basically quotes are amazing and I’ve concluded that we all have a similar thought process when it comes to rating how awesome each one is to us.
Our quote ranking thoughts are as follows (in order of worst to best):

1 - Eh, it's ok
2 – Good one
3 – Yep I’ll be saying this one over and over for the next month
4 – I’m going to needlepoint this on my pillowcase
5 – This is my next fbook album title

And of course the too-good-to-be-true quotes are rewarded with the highest honor…
a spot in the quotations section of your Facebook page.

Quote Fetish Part II March 3, 2011
Every once and awhile I’ll come across a quote I don’t understand right away. This sucks when it’s a famous one because I feel like everyone is programmed to automatically comprehend those. The other day I was watching a movie and I heard

It’s hard to see the forest through the trees

a forest is trees though.

Ok I get it, but I’m just saying it CAN be confusing if you overthink it. It's an analogy used to express focusing too much on the details of a situation (the trees), and not being able to see the big picture (the forest). Hmm…so really it should say

It’s hard to see the bird’s-eye view of a large forest when you’re stuck amongst the trees

I always have to fix everything.
Next came the pondering of another famous quote

A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush

…what if the bird in my hand is dumb and the two birds in the bush are exceptionally  good at math and science?

Stop signs on campus March 4, 2011
I have issues with crossing the street on campus at a stop sign when there is a car waiting there for you to walk across.  

First of all, the car has been waiting at the stop sign for like 7 minutes but can’t move due to the never-ending clumps of students walking by at a class change.

I’ll be approaching a crosswalk and of course I’ve already noticed the car that’s become somewhat of a temporary fixture in the middle of the road. This is when I begin stressfully questioning the actions that are about to play out.

…if I walk slower that car will go ahead and go so I don’t have to worry about crossing the street in a hurry.
…they’ll hate me if I cross…oh gosh I bet they’re getting super impatient, I should let them go since they probably wanna strangle a squirrel right about now.

Or I’ll stop and give them the hand wave to “go ahead and go” but then they give it back to me…
now what started as a friendly gesture has turned into an annoying/stubborn game of “NO I said YOU GO!”

This is a prime example of my uncontrollable need to please people. It’s as if I don’t want this stranger who I’ll never see again to be mad at me…like I want them to go home that night and say, “an angel in Victoria Secret sweatpants let me cross a busy street today. She saw my impatience and delivered me from evil.”

I’ve got to get new goals.