New Year Confessions

Look better naked January 15, 2011
To this day, the catchiest billboard I’ve ever seen was one advertising Gold’s Gym. In HUGE bright, bold, yellow letters it read “Look better naked”.

Hilarious. Probably because it’s dead-on. It’s one of those truths that everyone thinks about but never says out loud. Hahaha man I just love those.

The Gym-Dedication Meter January 15, 2011
New Year’s resolution = weight loss. Duh. Isn’t it everyone’s?

What typically tends to happen is for approx. one week the gym-dedication-meter reads the words

On the second week the meter reads
Uh oh, commitment is beginning to dwindle…NOW what’s the meter read?!

Who cares. You’ve probably already eaten the meter.
Actually, you feel fine. You’ve succeeded in convincing yourself that opening and closing the pantry door IS a legitimate workout.

Don’t worry, you’ll get a Victoria’s Secret catalogue in the mail soon thus causing you to tear out a page with the hottest model on it and tape it to the front of your fridge. This tactic allows you to muster up the last little bit of motivation necessary to get you back in the gym the week before spring break.

ENDS 101 Professor January 18, 2011
Today I had my first ENDS 101 class and...well…it was interestingly weird. My professor lectured, that’s normal…spoke with a Colombian accent, that’s not. Hmm the whole thing was just very odd.

Oh did I mention he never got off his segway scooter?

Don’t make me do stuff, its syllabus week January 19, 2011
First day of spring classes and EVERY dang one has lasted the entire time! Ugh! Gimmie my syllabus and call it a day man. Made it to my senior year and NOW college wants to interfere with my social life??


Athlete-Astronomy Theory January 19, 2011
Today I noticed that there are athletes in a couple of my classes. I always giggle to myself when thinking about my athlete-astronomy similarity theory.
The theory states that sometimes athletes…well, they’re a lot like solar eclipses.

You see them the first day of class and then you don’t for a while.

22 years old. Cool. January 20, 2011

My 22nd birthday is in seven days. Since I’ve already conquered the most popular milestone (turning 21), are there anymore left? From here on out do all birthday cards have the word “old” printed somewhere on them?

Oh gosh…why God…why me…no…

WAIT! If you’re 21 you can rent a car BUT still have to pay a fee for being under 25.


Singles Awareness Day January 21, 2011

Apart from making greeting cards and chocolate boxes feel like superstars, Valentine’s Day is also a day of reflection.
Reflection on things like love, hugs, kisses, romance, snuggles, pity, remorse, self-doubt…

Wait what?

Yes, single people often view February 14th as more of a “Singles Awareness Day” rather than a lovey-dove-wuv day.
But hey, what better way to wallow in self-pity than on a couch date with Mr. Hershey Chocolate and his friend Mr. Giant Bag O’sweettarts?

V-day Gift Ultimatum
January 21, 2011
If I could only choose one gift for Valentine’s Day what would it be?

A ruby ring…a cute stuffed animal I’ll later name Fluffy…a couples massage…a poem written and read by your bf…


While all other options are super, there’s nothing like an embarrassing, yet sensitive sonnet that you’ll later post on Fbook to supply everyone with priceless/hilarious harassment for forever and EVER AND EVER.

Muahahahaaaa classic.

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