Graduation Confessions

Class of 2011

Elders and their questioning...sigh.The standard graduation interrogation consists of inquiries such as

“So babygirl what’s your ideal job after you graduate college?

“Have you applied for any yet?!
“Where are you hoping to move to?”

Oddly, the one I’ve found most unsettling is
Are you excited about graduating?!”

In my head I’m like, “Should I be? You’re old, you tell me.”

But instead I give them the answer I assume they want and say something peppy like “Counting the days!” or “Is that a trick question?!”

I’ve only been caught by one person thus far who has successfully read in-between the lines and called me out on my ambiguity. Another tally for Tim on the ol’ scoreboard.

Do I even know enough to be tossed out into the real world? I’m starting to feel nervous…QUICK list some impressive things you’ve learned over the past however-many years-

Earth has five different atmospheric layers…

dividends are portions of a company's profit paid to common and preferred shareholders…

homophones are words that sound the same but have different spellings/meanings like ant & aunt or prints & prince...

Phew, I retained something.

So, publically for the first time, my truthful answer – am I excited about graduating?!

Homophonically, “hale know

I always assumed that by the time my 16th year of school rolled around I’d have thoughts like YAY! I CAN FINALLY ESCAPE! WOO NO MORE CLASS EVER!!

But nope.

I know that along with that little piece of rolled up parchment comes a bunch of things that end in “ity”


(just to name a few)

…I never thought three little letters could be so frightening.

I CAN say that I’m super excited about moving into a new apartment and decorating it in blues, greens, silvers and peacock feathers.
Also  about designing my new business cards…getting a bedazzled mini card box to store them in…buying big-girl business suits where the hemline hits somewhere below the knee…

Now, I’m not exceptionally awesome at mathematics but I was able to calculate the income I'll need to be making  in order to have the lifestyle I want fresh out of the A&M gates.

I’ll need to earn a minimum of $81,000 per year.

Oh dear...
better calculate the odds of that happening...
Ha umm like I said, I'm no mathematician.

More accurately, I'm no wizard :/

Fake it ‘til you make it
Yeesh. I'm nervous about this real-world business everyone’s gearing up for…

You too?
Good. Glad I’m not the only one.

I’ve prepared something to help us out though so don’t you fret :)
Here’s my little list of ways to appear smart until we get the hang of it.

1.      Have good posture
  • At least if you sit up straight and look in different directions with one eyebrow cockily raised everyone will assume you’re too smart to even humor the conversation you secretly know nothing about.
2.      Watch the news
  • Sounds easier than it really is. American Idol tends to trump CNN Newsroom with Don Lemon.
3.      Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy"

4.      Talk slow
  • This could give off a vibe that says “I communicate slowly since I have to sift through so much knowledge in my head.”
5.      Sit on a park bench with a large novel
  • Not your cup of tea? Try cutting a hole inside just big for enough your iPhone and get your Angry Birds on.
6.      Wear glasses

7.      Speak with a British accent

8.      Answer questions with a quote
  • Q: Which societal problem plagues you the most Ashley?
  • A: Nancy, I say forget what we’re told, before we get too old. Show me a garden that’s bursting into life.  (Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol :)
9.      Carry around a solved Rubik’s cube

Things they don’t tell you in orientation

1. College makes you fat.

2. Pot-luck roommates doesn’t necessarily = positive adventure.

3. Parking lot regulations aren’t friendly suggestions.

4. You’ll study more your first semester than you did your entire high school career

5. Ride the campus buses. Students ride them. Not creepy, carless homeless people

6. In class, try and sit next to a classmate of Asian descent.

7. Bring a jacket to the library. It gets cold.

8. Your personal success is #24,003 on a professor’s list of things they have time for.

9. Check out Amazon, eBay or Textbook Solutions before you pay full price for your textbooks at the MSC Bookstore

10. Always have a scantron and #2 pencil on hand

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