Graduation Confessions

Class of 2011

Elders and their questioning...sigh.The standard graduation interrogation consists of inquiries such as

“So babygirl what’s your ideal job after you graduate college?

“Have you applied for any yet?!

“Where are you hoping to move to?”

 

Oddly, the one I’ve found most unsettling is

“Are you excited about graduating?!”

In my head I’m like, “Should I be? You’re old, you tell me.”

But instead I give them the answer I assume they want and say something peppy like “Counting the days!” or “Is that a trick question?!”

I’ve only been caught by one person thus far who has successfully read in-between the lines and called me out on my ambiguity. Another tally for Tim on the ol’ scoreboard.

Do I even know enough to be tossed out into the real world? I’m starting to feel nervous…QUICK list some impressive things you’ve learned over the past however-many years-

Earth has five different atmospheric layers…

dividends are portions of a company's profit paid to common and preferred shareholders…

homophones are words that sound the same but have different spellings/meanings like ant & aunt or prints & prince...

Phew, I retained something.

So, publically for the first time, my truthful answer – am I excited about graduating?!

Homophonically, “hale know”

“ity”

I always assumed that by the time my 16^th year of school rolled around I’d have thoughts like YAY! I CAN FINALLY ESCAPE! WOO NO MORE CLASS EVER!!

But nope.

I know that along with that little piece of rolled up parchment comes a bunch of things that end in “ity”

Responsibility

Maturity

Accountability

Reality

Punctuality

Vulnerability

Feasibility

Reliability

(just to name a few)

…I never thought three little letters could be so frightening.

$$$ 

I CAN say that I’m super excited about moving into a new apartment and decorating it in blues, greens, silvers and peacock feathers.

Also  about designing my new business cards…getting a bedazzled mini card box to store them in…buying big-girl business suits where the hemline hits somewhere below the knee…

Now, I’m not exceptionally awesome at mathematics but I was able to calculate the income I'll need to be making  in order to have the lifestyle I want fresh out of the A&M gates.

I’ll need to earn a minimum of $81,000 per year.

Oh dear...

better calculate the odds of that happening...
Ha umm like I said, I'm no mathematician.

More accurately, I'm no wizard :/

Fake it ‘til you make it

Yeesh. I'm nervous about this real-world business everyone’s gearing up for…

You too?
Good. Glad I’m not the only one.

I’ve prepared something to help us out though so don’t you fret :)
Here’s my little list of ways to appear smart until we get the hang of it.

1.      Have good posture

• At least if you sit up straight and look in different directions with one eyebrow cockily raised everyone will assume you’re too smart to even humor the conversation you secretly know nothing about.

2.      Watch the news

• Sounds easier than it really is. American Idol tends to trump CNN Newsroom with Don Lemon.

3.      Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy"

4.      Talk slow

• This could give off a vibe that says “I communicate slowly since I have to sift through so much knowledge in my head.”

5.      Sit on a park bench with a large novel

• Not your cup of tea? Try cutting a hole inside just big for enough your iPhone and get your Angry Birds on.

6.      Wear glasses

7.      Speak with a British accent

8.      Answer questions with a quote

• Q: Which societal problem plagues you the most Ashley?
• A: Nancy, I say forget what we’re told, before we get too old. Show me a garden that’s bursting into life.  (Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol :)

9.      Carry around a solved Rubik’s cube

Things they don’t tell you in orientation

1. College makes you fat.

2. Pot-luck roommates doesn’t necessarily = positive adventure.

3. Parking lot regulations aren’t friendly suggestions.

4. You’ll study more your first semester than you did your entire high school career

5. Ride the campus buses. Students ride them. Not creepy, carless homeless people

6. In class, try and sit next to a classmate of Asian descent.

7. Bring a jacket to the library. It gets cold.

8. Your personal success is #24,003 on a professor’s list of things they have time for.

9. Check out Amazon, eBay or Textbook Solutions before you pay full price for your textbooks at the MSC Bookstore

10. Always have a scantron and #2 pencil on hand

Romance Confessions

xoxo Here Goes Nothin’ xoxo

It has come to my attention that my most-read blogs happen to be the brutally honest/true ones where I put all my crap out there. Which is understandable, hence America’s love of reality television.

The relationship posts are popular…I don’t know what it is about that- well nevermind I get it. I’m also strangely fascinated with peoples’ love lives…

I go as far as adding my friend’s boyfriends/girlfriends on Facebook regardless of whether or not I’ve ever even met them in person.


It’s like a pair of salt and pepper shakers, you just feel more comfortable owning the set.

With all that said, I’ve decided to expose some romance confessions…here goes nothin'.

Wes <3

I’ve met someone. His name is Wes and he’s perfect for me.

Due to my commitment-phobe nature, making our romance public has been slow-going.

In all seriousness, the passion that we share is unlike any I’ve ever experienced. He makes me better…like in most aspects of my life.

First thing I noticed was my grades began to improve, then my mood became better and before I knew it, I had developed a lifestyle that was just all around…satisfying and productive.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we’re far from perfect. He’s clingy, we hang out sometimes until 3 or 4 in the morning which throws off my whole groove and he always has a ton of girls hanging around him :/

…but he’s my someone. The sad part is, I’m graduating this year and he’s staying in College Station - so friends, if you’ve been wondering why I’ve been sort of MIA recently, it’s because I’m spending all my time with Wes.

Side note in case you were wondering, he’s handsome! Big, bold, tall…

Oh I know, I’ll attach his personal webpage so y’all can meet him!

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.1063285832850.2009524.1547100080#!/pages/West-Campus-Library/154917981184892 

The Ex Playlist

If I’m ever feeling depressed, I have this sick habit of adding to the torment by listening to sad music in an attempt to make my sadness worse. Yeah, I don’t feel like it’s a super healthy thing either :/

I’ll just pop in Taylor Swift’s latest, get in a fetal-like position and fasten on my “bring on the pain, ugh” mentality.

Just me…my thoughts…and a bottle of wine…

ok beer.

Back me up here y’all, I know I’m not the only one who engages in this awkward activity.

My roomies have confessed to it so you might as well too HOWEVER, If you haven’t, then I’m going to give you my ex-playlist on loan.

Go ahead, get started crying your li’l heart out.
 

This is me putting everything out there. Embarrassing or not, I told myself that if a song ever topped my billboard bf-depression chart, I HAD to include it on my playlist for everyone to see and hopefully find comfort in for themselves and know they’re not alone. These songs reflect my thoughts over the past two years.


The following songs are inspired by four of my past flames. The two top songs are each about my two greatests’. Don’t say I didn’t include a warning label – CAUTION: do not listen if unwilling to give up your current happy thoughts.


28. Love Story – T-Swift

27. Use Somebody – Kings of Leon

26. Case of the Ex – Mya

25. Red High Heels – Kellie Pickler

24. The Truth – Jason Aldean

23. Like We Used To – Rocket to the Moon

22. Enchanted – T-Swift

21. Lips of an Angel - Hinder
20. Need You Now – Lady Antebellum

19. Paint Me a Birmingham – Tracy Lawrence

18. Love Song – Sara Bareilles

17. Blame It on the Alcohol – Jaime Foxx & T-Pain

16. The Way I Loved You – T-Swift

15. Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri

14. Breathe – T-Swift

13. Maybe – Ingrid Michaelson

12. Forever & Always (acoustic version) – T-Swift

11. Cowboy Casanova – Carrie Underwood

10. Come Pick Me Up – Randy Rogers Band

09. Should’ve Said No – T-Swift

08. Let Me – Pat Green

07. Stay - Sugarland

06. I’ll Stand By You – Carrie Underwood

05. Back To December – T-Swift

04. Love the Way You Lie – Eminem & Rihanna

03. Last Kiss – T-Swift

02. Dear John – T-Swift

01. You’re Not Sorry – T-Swift

Chili Chili Bang Bang

Coppertone Goddess April 10, 2011

Chilifest 2011!! A.K.A Snook-Sandstorm ’11!  

Now we all know that Mother Nature has been a bit moody this past year, but her behavior at Chilifest was kind of uncalled for.

I imagine she hangs out with friends like Santa…the Easter Bunny…Tooth Fairy…those kind of folk, and I’ll BET that this past weekend she bragged –

“Ha, watch this funny thing I can do…”

This “funny” thing she did made everybody look like we’d been dipped in a bag of sand.

She withheld ALL rain, moisture, etc. from the air which made the Chilifest grounds a giant dustbowl.

I got home Friday night and was surprised to see I had switched ethnicities. There was dirt in every crevice of my face and neck.

While normally a transformation from a pasty white female to a Coppertone goddess would please me, I couldn’t get over that for the past five hours, I'd looked as if I had tried to paint on some kind of wolf-looking mask and failed miserably.

Solo Arrival April 10, 2011

Amongst my friends, it’s considered cool to arrive Saturday at Chilifest around 11am.
Amongst Ash however, it is not.

I’m not being that unreasonable, we’d been out on the grounds Friday night too.

Consequently, me opting for a late arrival meant finding a way to Chilifest solo since the girlfrans were already there.

So I park Veronica (my Camaro) at the Hall and boarded the bus.
Sure, I was getting stares that obviously said “why’s that chick alone? She must be the weird one her friends try and avoid” but I didn’t care. Those two extra hours of sleep were worth it.

I was glad to have a seat by myself, this way I didn’t have to make small talk with a random and instead could just sit and reflect on the epic day to come.

About four miles out, intoxicated girl sitting in front of me rudely exclaimed to the bus driver-

“You’d better drive faster or I’m gonna pee on your bus!”

Noticing that we were traveling on a bit of an incline, I leaned forward, politely tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked-

“Do you mind letting me know if you really are going to pee so I can lift up my feet?”

Haley C April 10, 2011

Like I said, I arrived solo/late to Chilifest thus my first mission was to find my crew. This took a good while since I ran into numerous buddies along the way. After about 2 hours, I had yet to find my BFF Haley.

I’ve always been aware of Haley’s immense popularity, but this notion turned into fact when I realized…

Haley is the Ferris Bueller of the A&M Greek world.

I was only having trouble finding her because I hadn’t thought to ask anyone where she might be.

So...

I asked random people walking.

I asked a girl sitting in an overflowing beer cooler.

I asked an adult who was wondering around shirtless eating a turkey leg.

They were all able to tell me her most recent whereabouts.

So guess what happened in the next 6 ½ minutes?

Found her :)

College Station Resident Confessions

Code Maroon March 27, 2011

We Aggies are all well-versed with the infamous “Code Maroon” alert system. This system serves as a way to inform students of local crime and crisis via text message and email. It lets us know when/where the crime/crisis happened and any minor details.  

Now, I know I’m not the only who sometimes wonders…who writes these things? Some poor little staff member has to condense a large amount of serious information into a single text message.

Traditionally we get the occasional “criminal-with-weapon” alert:

Armed subject last seen near G. Bush and Wellborn Rd. Heavy black woman with sharp object.

Or the “just-to-let-you-know-there’s-a-convict-runnin-around” alert:

Prison escapee suspected in CS area, exercise caution, monitor local media, report sightings to local police 10:56AM

One of my personal favorites was an ironic alert I received while I was on a bus headed to campus:

Tornado alert. Stay indoors. Avoid campus

And of course let’s not forget everyone’s FAVORITE Code Maroon alert:

This is a test of the Code Maroon System. No action required at this time.

….which they’ll sometimes send 19 times in one day.

‘Bout time to grow up Ash? March 29, 2011

 You may recall my Vegas confession regarding my purse that was stolen at a nightclub over Spring Break (sigh). 

Wellll that punk-thief keeps trying to hack into my email accounts. I keep getting notifications saying that some penetrator is trying to answer my security questions in order to retrieve my password.

It makes me so. dang. mad.

 

My primary fear is identity theft. However this fear quickly turns to laughter because I keep picturing the Citibank commercial where that husky guy has the voice of a valley girl since he stole her identity…haha oh man it’s funny…

Ahem so - I’m like, we’re in a recession dude, good luck trying to get a credit card in my name, I’ve tried, didn’t work, its super hard. HA freakin’ HA.

He must’ve thought he was stealing from some established chick with some money in the bank! Little does he know, he picked a 22 year old who hasn’t built up any credit yet! Sucker!

Wait that’s embarrassing.

Snooze March 30, 2011

Who ever guessed that one little press of this tiny button could produce such a remarkable feeling of blissful relief? What a way to begin your day!

Unfortunately, totally ineffective if you hit it 12 times.

Battle of the frozen yogurts March 31, 2011

A popular debate in the city of College Station isn’t about the latest city ordinance or inflated gas prices, it’s about the battle of the best frozen yogurt.

All of the sudden, CS has had an influx of these yummy treat venues that are all vying for the title of most popular frozen yogurt spot. Let’s meet the contenders I find relevant:

1. Spoon’s Yogurt – I like the Fbook update about daily flavors
2.   Froyoyo – ate there once for free because of a coupon…snaps for that 
3. Red Mango – close proximity to my apartment 
4. Happy Yogurt – they also sell Chinese dumplings…? 
5. Yogurtland – never been but a review online says it’s just as good as Spoon’s

While I’m sure all places are quite good, I’ve named a winner and it is…drum roll please…

Red Mango!!! Yay!!!

Don’t cry fellow yogurt contenders, my only deciding factor was that Red Mango’s cherries come with their stems pre-plucked for my instant eating pleasure.